


...is a Batman who always wins

by orphan_account



Series: Batman: Multiverse [4]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Dark, Body Horror, Dark, Dark Comedy, F/F, F/M, Horror, Origins, Psychological Horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-14 01:56:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20184331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In a world left lifeless by the actions of one man, an unexpected visitor arrives to offer the perpetrator a horrid deal that will benefit them both.





	...is a Batman who always wins

**Author's Note:**

> Remember how lighthearted the last story was? Yeah, don't expect to find that here.

_Earth-22_

An old man walked through the desolate waste land of Earth. His body was draped in a black hood, even his face engulfed in darkness. As the old man walked through what was once Gotham, his cane echoing every time it struck the earth, he stopped in front of a sign. "Welcome to the Gotham Museum!" it read, he looked past the sign to see the pile of rubble where the building used to stand. Chuckling darkly to himself, the man continued his search. That's when he heard it...

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" A maddening cackle echoed throughout the empty city, causing a shiver to run down the old man's spin.

"Are you there?" The old man asked.

"No, no, no!" The raspy voice scolded. "That's not the right question to ask!"

"What is the right question, then?" The old man asked.

That's when he heard a dog-like snarl coming from behind him. He turned down a dark alleyway to see a pair of blue eyes staring at him. Soon, boy in a robin custome, foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog, emerged. His owner walked out not long after.

"The real question should be," The Batman who Laughs emerged from the darkness, "knock knock?"

The feral child lunged at the old man, but the Batman who Laughs harshly yanked the chain on his leash, causing the boy to yelp like a kicked dog and fall onto his back. The boy returned to his masters side, along with two other boys.

"Naughty, naughty Dicky!" The Batman who Laughs wagged his finger at the boy. "Save some room for your brothers!"

"You're him, aren't you?" The old man asked.

"In the flesh!" The Batman who Laughs bowed.

"I must say, it is an honor to meet you in person," the old man said.

"Really?" The Batman who Laughs tilted his head, curiously.

"I'm sure you don't get that often," the old man said.

"Most people I meet are usually begging for their lives, or their children's lives, or their parents lives," The Batman who Laughs shrugged, "whatever my killing mood was on those days!"

"I assure you, I am not most people," the old man said. "In fact, I'm not even a person!"

The Batman who Laughs made a circular motion with his head. Even though they were covered by his spiked head band, the old man could still tell he was rolling his eyes. "They said I was crazy," The Batman who Laughs mocked. "You sure you're not just going senile, old man?"

"Oh, I assure you," the old man said. "To prove it, I want you to try and kill me!"

"Wow!" The Batman who Laughs let out a quick 'Ha!'. "You're literally asking for it?"

"You won't be able to kill me," the old man assured.

The Batman who Laughs stared at him for a second, before falling to the ground, holding his stomach in laughter. "Oh man, if you're trying to kill me with laughter," he wiped a nonexistent tear away, "I'm afraid you are only delaying the inevitable. I mean, God, I thought my jokes were bad!""

"I'm not delaying anything." the old man stood up straight. "Come and get me!"

"If you say so." The Batman who Laughs held out his leash, and his robins stared up to him with hopeful, hungry eyes. "Boys? Eat up!" He let go, and all three boys charged at the old man.

The Old man showed no fear. Freeing one of his hand from the confines of his cloak, he sent a blast of purple lightning at the boys, electrocuting all of them back.

"Oh!" The Batman who Laughs looked on curiously as his robins returned to his side. "What are you supposed to be?"

"I am not some old man." The Old man grew in size. "I am oblivion, I am the darkness, I. Am." He unfurled his cape, revealing them to be Batwings. "Barbatos!"

The Batman who Laughs gazed up to the being before him, before he causally began to clap, motioning for his robins to join him, which they did. "Bravo!"

Pruple, narrow eyes glared down at The Batman who Laughs.

"Great introduction!" The Batman who Laughs gave him a thumbs up. "They used to say I was theatrical, but no one has ever drove up their own hype like you do!"

"I wish to make a bargain," Barbatos said.

"Really? What kind of bargain?" The Batman who Laughs moved closer to Barbatos.

"What if I told you I could give you the power to travel the multiverse?" Barbatos asked. "What if I told you I could give you the ability to slaughter to your hearts content for all of eternity?"

"I would say, if you could grant me that power, I'd suck your nonexistent Johnson!" The Batman who Laughs exclaimed, laughing afterwards.

"Then join me!" Barbatos held out his hand. "Help me take over and consume Earth 0! With the power granted to me, I can rule over the Multiverse like a God! Then grant you the slaughterhouse you seek!"

"Deal!" The Batman who Laughs shook his hand. "Before we go, let me just take one last look around!"

"Sentimental about the death and chaos you cause?" Barbatos asked.

The Batman who Laughs looked out to the lifeless Gotham. "Definitely."

* * *

"No, no, no!" The red hood just barley dodged the officer's gunfire.

It could be said that he was having a very bad day. Just that morning, as he was desperately making a deal with two thugs to rob his old place of work, Ace Chemicals, he was informed by the police that his pregnant wife was killed. Now, after being strong armed by the thugs, who now lay dead, he was running for his life from the police.

"There, we got clear shots!" An officer pointed to the Red Hood as he ran across a walkway over vats of chemicals.

"Take him do-"

"No more guns!" A voice barked behind them.

Both men gasped as Batman got between the two.

"Sweet mother of God..." One officer stepped back.

"It's you!" The other joined his partner.

Batman glared down at the Red Hood. "Now we do this my way!"

As the red hood ran, he tried desperately to pull off his mask. "So hard to see...so loud! Got to get this damn thing off!"

"Red Hood!"

The red hood turned to see Batman closing in on him. "Oh God..."

"I've finally caught you!" Batman pulled out a pair of batcuffs.

"No! You're here to punish me!" The red hood tripped his cape, and landed on the metal walkway with a thud. That's when he noticed the wrench.

"Surrender now, and you won't be harmed!" Batman stalked over to the red hood, and gripped his shoulder.

"You won't take me!" The red hood shouted, swinging the wrench with all his might.

It connected with Batman's head, sending him stumbling back.

"Ugh..." Batman gripped his head, and then he back towards the rail, falling over it.

As Batman fell towards the liquid, the red hood realized what he had done. He had just caused Gotham's hero to fall into a vat of most likely fatal chemicals.

"No!" The red hood shouted as Batman landed into the liquid. "What have I done?" He fell to his knees as the two officers moved in.

* * *

Batman landed in a mud pit just outside the factory, screaming and clawing at his flesh.

"My skin! It burns!" Batman ripped off his mask. "Got to get this suit off! Got to-" he stopped when he saw his reflection. It was silent for several, agonizing minutes. Then he laughed. "HehehehehehahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Pulling out his grapple, he went back into Ace Chemicals.

* * *

Alfred stood by Batcave's driveway as the bat mobile pulled in. He had a cup of coffee on tray prepared. When the car came to a stop, the overhead door opened, and Batman stood.

"Good evening, sir," Alfred said, snarking affectionately. "I do hope you had a good night running across rooftops like most of the other Gotham elites."

Batman didn't answer, he just stood there, motionless.

"Sir, are you alright?" Alfred asked, concerned. "Master B-"

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, Batman pulled a pistol he stole from one of the cops he murdered, and shot Alfred straight through his eye. He looked at the smoking gun in his hand, and let out a small chuckle. Tossing the gun over his shoulder, he leaped out of the bat mobile, stepped over Alfred's body, and looked at the Batcomputer.

"Oh! Got to say Jeeves, you got a lot of great stuff in here!" Batman looked back to his body. "Sorry, but I'm afraid I won't be needing any of it, I feel this place has too many memories." He walked over to Alfred's body and stood over it. "You see, while I'm sure you recognized me, I don't feel the same for you. A few hours ago, something inside this man in a bat suit just..." Batman snapped his fingers. "I don't know why I chose this getup, or who you are, I'm afraid madness has taken everything up here." He tapped his forehead. "So it's time for a clean slate! A new beginning! A new..." Batman looked at his suit. "What did I call myself? Batman?" He groaned. "That's not a good name at all for this! Whatever, I'll think of something soon enough! I bet you're wondering, 'Oh master, why have you betrayed me this way?!'...well, I'm sure you would be if I didn't blow your brains out! You see, a few hours ago, I realized how none of this..." Batman motioned towards himself, then to Alfred's body, and then to their environment. "...matters! It's all a joke! A gag! A bad pun! And I promise you Jeeves, I'm about to show the world how funny life is! But first...I'm going to need to rid myself of this old life...excuse me for a second!" He hopped back into the bat mobile, and drove out to the front of Wayne manor. "Huh, nice place! Too bad it has to go!" Batman hit all of the buttons in the bat mobile, laughing as he launched missile after missile into Wayne Manor, reducing it to rubble in seconds. "Now, where should I start?" He sat back in his chair, scratching his chin, then he grew a wicked grin. "Well, for starters, every good 'hero' needs a sidekick!"

* * *

A young Dick Grayson awoke in the lion's cage from the Haley Circus. Fortunately, the lion wasn't in it. Unfortunately, he was locked in and being dragged away from the Circus tent by the bat mobile.

"Hey, what's going on?" Dick called. "Hello? What happened?"

"Easy!" A voice above him shouted.

Dick looked up to see a crazed Batman grinning down at him.

"You're my new sidekick!" Batman jumped down and hung off the sides of the cage. "You and I are going to have so many fun adventures together!"

"Where are my parents?!" The frightened Dick cried out.

Batman just wordlessly pointed to the smoldering Circus tent. Even from there, Dick could hear the audience screaming in agony.

"They're joining that beautiful choir!" Batman sighed, as if listening to a beautiful chorus.

"W-why?" Dick asked, softly. Too shocked to even truly emote.

"Oh my dear boy, that's the first lesson I'm going to teach you!" Batman cheered as he hopped into the Bat Mobile. Before the door shut, he looked into the terrified boys eyes. "There is never reason!"

* * *

Jason shut the door to his apartment, and saw his father sitting in his chair.

"Dad?" Jason walked over to his father, who didn't answer him. "I 'bought' some groceries." He pulled out a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and some boxes of cereal. "So we should be good for the next couple days."

Nothing.

Jason sighed, knowing his father was probably passed out drunk, again. He set down the grocery bag and made his way over to him. However, instead of finding him sleeping, he found his throat ripped out. Blood pouring from his opened wound.

"Dad!" Jason screamed, in horror more then anything. He turned to run out the door, but Batman was waiting for him.

"Hello Jason," Batman slammed the door shut, "I have an offer for you."

* * *

Tim Drake yawned as he sat up in bed. Walking over to his bedroom window, he pulled back the curtains, and flinched a little when the sunlight hit his eyes.

"Good morning, Tim."

Tim's eyes widened, and whirled around to see Batman sitting open the chair to his computer. He smiled at him, and sipped a bit of wine from the glass in his hand.

"What are you doing in my room?!" Tim demanded.

"I was watching you sleep, Tim," Batman admitted.

"Mom!" Tim called out. "Dad!"

"Oh Timmy, Timmy, Timmy," Batman said, setting down his glass and shaking his head. "Do you honestly believe I wouldn't have dealt with them already?"

Tim's eyes widened in horror, and ran out of the room. To his shock, he found his parents alive and well, if bound and gagged in their living room chairs. Tim was just about to run up to them when Batman grabbed his shoulder.

"Hey now, where do you think you're going, young man?" Batman scolded like a parent.

"To free my parents you maniac!" Tim tried to fight Batman's grip, but he was too strong.

"More like ex parents," Batman said.

"What?!" Tim shouted.

"You heard me!" Batman took Tim by the shoulders and turned him towards his face. "Join me, Tim! You're a brilliant child! I should now, I've been watching you for months!"

"You freak!" Tim shouted.

Batman's smug, crazed grin dropped, and rage took hold. "Don't you ever talk to your father like that!" He violently slapped Tim to the ground, then went back to smiling. "It's very impolite!"

"You're not my father!" Tim shouted, definitely.

"Oh, but I am, Tim." Batman glanced to Tim's subdued parents, who were fighting their bonds Ina desperate attempt to help their son. "I'm father, because if I'm not, they'll suffer."

Tim heard a strange hissing noise, and saw two boys dressed up in strange costumes crawling over his parents, who were now still from fright.

"Meet my personal boy wonders!" Batman walked over to them, scratching Dick under his chin. "They needed a little molding of course, what kid doesn't? But in time, I came to love them as my own. This can be you, Tim. It **_will_** be you, if you don't want your parents torn to pieces, nice and slow."

"You can't-" Tim began, fearfully.

"Oh, but I will, they will." Batman walked over to him, and knelt down at eye level. "Unless you come with me."

Tim looked towards his parents. Any fear the robins threatening them had brought on has long since vanished, they shook their heads, tears in there eyes as they proved they were willing to pay the ultimate price for their son.

"So sweet, would bring a tear to my eye, if I were capable," Batman said, wrapping an arm around Tim. "Look at them, willing to sacrifice themselves for you. Tell me, are you brave enough to make that sacrifice?"

Tim looked into the eyes of his parents, who still madly shook there heads. "I'll go with you." He closed his eyes when he heard his mother scream through her gag.

"Good boy, Tim." Batman patted his head. "I promise, my robins and I won't lay a finger on them."

Tim looked at his parents, only having a few seconds to do so before Batman knocked him out.

"Well, that was fun," Batman said, then he strolled over to Tim's parents. "Say, want to hear a joke?"

They didn't respond, Batman sat on Tim's dad, Jack's, lap.

"So, there is kid who is offered a deal by a maniac to spear his parents if the manic allows him to be turned into a ravenous monster," Batman began. "The kid takes the deal, and the maniac promises to never touch him, to never let his pets touch them. Unfortunately, the maniac never promised that the boy himself would tear apart his parents after his transformation!"

Batman laugh maniacally as the Drakes widened their eyes in horror.

* * *

Wonder Woman arrived in Atlantis after an Atlantian with a twisted smile on their face washed up on the shores of Themyscira. She was given armor crafted by Posiden to allow her to breath underwater. As she looked around the city, she was horrified to find it in ruins, bodies of millions of Atlantians floated above the streets.

"Who could've done this?!" Wonder Woman asked in horror. She swam towards one of the bodies, and as she feared, the same twisted, demonic grin. When the realization came, it hit her like a truck. "Aquaman!" Wonder Woman felt fear and worry tug on heart. "Mera..." She arrived at Aquaman's palace in seconds, but the guards at the front gate were in the same twisted state. As she swam through the palace, she found much of the same. Then she found the Royal family, all snug in their beds, twisted smiles on their faces. "No!" Even the ocean couldn't mask her tears. "Arthur...Mera..."

"Love hurts, doesn't it?"

Wonder Woman whirled around and was greeted by Batman. No, as now his transformation into the Batman who Laughs was now complete. He was wearing a bat suit designed for the sea, but it had a twisted red smile spray painted over the bat symbol on his chest.

"You!" Wonder Woman's rage took hold when she recognized his grin as the same ones given to his victims. "You did this!"

"The Batman who Laughs smoothed. "Looks like we found a detective and warrior, bravo for managing to do both!"

"My combat capabilities under the waves is no less dangerous, clown!" Wonder Woman shouted. "I will send you to Hades for what you have done!"

"But I didn't kill them," said the Batman who Laughs.

"Don't lie to me!" Wonder Woman sent the lasso of truth around his neck and pulled him towards her. "I know you killed them!"

"I didn't," The Batman who Laughs said again.

Wonder Woman lessened her grip, he was obviously telling the truth. "Then who did?"

"Why don't you take a look at the royal family?" The Batman who Laughs pointed towards them.

Wonder Woman narrowed her eyes at them, that's when she noticed it. Her eyes widened in horror.

Mera blinked.

"Sick em!" The Batman who Laughs ordered.

Mera shot out of bed, laughing like a mad woman.

"Mera...no." Wonder Woman grabbed her wrist.

"I've been watching you," The Batman who Laughs admitted, holding onto the lasso of truth to prove he wasn't lying. "I've been watching all of you for years now, Diana. I know every weakness, every flaw, everything to tear you all apart limb from limb! For example, I know how long you've been in love with Queen Mere for quiet some time."

"You sick-" Wonder Woman turned her hardened gaze to The Batman who Laughs, but inadvertently given the mad Mera the chance to bite into her neck. "Argh!"

"And that love will be your end," The Batman who Laughs said. "Be seeing you, Diana." He pulled out a small trigger, and pressed it.

Mera pushed Diana away as she began laugh madly for a few more seconds before her body stiffened, and she surrendered her last breath.

"Mera!" Wonder Woman cried, she held her lifeless love in her arms The Batman Who Laughs dropped the Lasso of Truth and made his exit.

"I promise you, Mera," Wonder Woman said, holding Mera close to her chest. "I'll make sure he-" she chuckled. "What? I'll make sure hehehehehehehehahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Wonder Woman dropped Mera and held her stomach as she laughed

Outside, Wonder Woman's laughter echoed throughout the dead Atlantis. The Batman who Laughs was gone, knowing full well that Diana was dead the second Mera sunk her teeth into her.

* * *

Superman arrived home after a long day of helping people and stopping crime. It was late, so he decided to get some shuteye, even though he never truly gets tired.

"Still, sleep is healthy, even for Superman," he said, taking off his cape and costume, then laying both of them down on his bed. He went into his bathroom, then got his pajamas on. Just when he was ready to place his custome into its secret compartment, he saw it. "What the heck?" He picked it off his cape, and examined it. It was a small bat-shaped chip, with a blinking orange light in the center of it.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" The Batman who Laughs suddenly whispered in his ear.

Superman felt something stab into his neck, he whirled around and pushed the Batman who Laughs off of him and onto a chair in his apartment.

"What did you inject me with?!" Superman demanded. "How did you inject me?!"

"Kryptonite laced shot." The Batman who Laughs held up a shot, the tip of its needle glowing green.

"What did you-"

"A little something of my own creation," The Batman who Laughs began. "Black Kryptonite. With that flowing through your blood stream, you'll be my psychotic little attack dog, then die."

"I will ne-" Superman's defiance was cut off by him letting out an agonizing scream of pain.

"Sorry, forgot to the mention the horrifically inhuman pain." The Batman who Laughs playfully slapped his head. "Silly me!"

"Make it stop!" Superman begged as blood began to pour from his eyes. "Please!"

"Take it easy on yourself, Superman!" The Batman who Laughs smiled, widely. "It will be easier when you give in, it really does!"

"No!" Superman held his head, falling to his knees. "I can't give in! I won't...give...i..."

The room fell deathly quiet.

"You done?" The Batman who Laughs asked, causally.

Superman didn't answer, his bloodied eyes spouts stared off into space.

"Do I control you, now?" The Batman who Laughs jumped up in excitement.

No answer.

"Hmm, better test it out!" The Batman who Laughs took out a small radio he had been carrying. "Alright, man of steel, dance to the music that plays on this!" He hit play, and the chicken dance began to play.

To the joy and amusement of the Batman who Laughs, Superman began to do the chicken.

"Hahaha! Yes!" The Batman who Laughs clapped and whistled, even pulling out a wad of cash and throwing money at Superman while he danced. "Okay, that was fun and all, but you don't actually have that much time left." He turned off the radio and walked over to Superman. "Superman, or should I call you, Clark Kent? I want you to kill every man, woman, and child in Metropolis who isn't me, then I want you to fly over to your parents house, and hurl it into the sun, K?"

Superman nodded.

"Go get 'em!" The Batman who Laughs strolled over to the chair and sat down as Sulerman flew out the window of his apartment. Satisfied, The Batman who Laughs put his feet up on the desk near the chair, closing his eyes as the screams of Superman's first victims echoed through the night.

* * *

"Nothing beats a walk down memory lane," The Batman who Laughs said.

"Are you ready?" Barbatos asked. "We're going to need to make a few pit stops, first.

"I don't mind, as long as we get to kill some people!" The Batman who Laughs exclaimed.

"Oh, if my plan succeeds, death with amplify by infinity," Barbatos assured.

"Barbatos, I think this is the beginning of something [glorious!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AsnHQUgFy14)"

**Author's Note:**

> Let's set the ground rules for this AU:  
1\. No dark multiverse, these are just world's that went to you-know-where. Barbatos had nothing to do with the creation of these worlds, and the subsequent corruption of these worlds' Batmen.  
2\. Though not shown here, Barbatos is significantly weaker in this universe. Just wanted to get this out of the way to explain why future encounters between him and the protagonists will actually be pretty even.
> 
> Also, what's that saying? For want of a nail? Well, this is for want of wrench!


End file.
